YES, I traced.

And I've been such an idiot not to frikin yelling it out earlier. SUCH an IDIOT. It's really hard to even give ANY motivation for it. And I will not, it would only make this entry lamer and take away from the actual point I want to make.

Here's the bottom line: I traced. I got attention for it. I kept doing it, and kept lying about it, and I got even more attention for it. And even when I could actually stop, I persisted, becoming quite ridiculous. Sure, I did remove the images, I did move on, 6 months ago even, but see, the problem is, it's really not about me anymore. A bunch of people forgave me quietly, but again, being forgiven or not is not the point, because hey, me tracing, that's not THAT big of a deal in the first place, right?

Hmm, except it is a big deal.

Why do so many Disney fanartists trace? Quite simply, BECAUSE so many OTHER Disney fanartists trace. Yes, it's understood, implied, that the work isn't REALLY our own. But after spending hours on the drawing it just FEELS like it's yours, because on this, it's very easy to behave childishly. Like a kid saying "mine!" when he's referring to a toy in the property of his kindergarden. Why? partially because he doesn't understand what property is. That is a problem in general, yes. And if you have any aspects of this you feel you don’t fully understand, you absolutely SHOULD go to :devsnapesgirl:'s tutorial on the matter, which is wonderfully written and only with the best feelings in mind, trust me. Here are links to that:
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But the second part of why the kid says "mine!" is because he likes playing with the toy, and has been playing with it for a while, and because no one's bothered to tell him... "NO, this is NOT yours". And the more time passes the bigger a tantrum the kid will throw when he finally hears it's not his.

And see, because I understood this is why so many Disney fanartists trace (and what's more persist in doing it LOOOONG after they really need to in order to learn the basics of drawing, LONG after they are ready to try to be original, and me and them persist in this "lying" by keeping silent), cause of all that, I FINALLY understood all the implications of what I had done... the damage is, for the most part, completely irreparable.

It's really not that _I_ traced. Or that tracing is something no one else has ever done in their lives. Yes, a lot of artists do that out that way, whether at 6 or at 13 or at 18. But what I did VERY WRONG is that I gave tracing a pretty little shine that makes OTHER people go like "oooh, I wanna do that too!". And why is it BAD to trace? Well, because the longer you do it, and the more warmth and attention you get as a consequence of it, the HARDER it is to STOP. It's not like in real life, where if you trace, you at most show it to your parents or your friend next door, or your friend from school. they may like it, but really, their effect on you is INCOMPARABLE to the months, years, of constant support and exposure you can get for it on the internet. And you will find, when, IF, you want to start drawing original things, that they are not HALF as appreciated, because they aren’t quite as pretty as the Disney “clipart” ultimately, you’ve worked on before. And that is discouraging. ALL these things create a climate that PROMOTES unoriginality, lies, deceit. And this climate grows and grows, because ultimately, nothing all that bad happens to you. You do get in trouble for it, you do make people mad, but if you shut up about it, chances are you'll be able to go on just fine, if you shut out deviantart or the whole art community for a little while. It’s plainly what I did. And the spammers from 4chan absolutely cannot compare to the sort of hate mail those advocating for anti-art theft have received.

I may not have started the phenomenon, the anti-art theft community may have come on my page at a weird time in my personal life, and that caused me to react even stupider than I would have otherwise... Deviantart may not enforce the policy all the time. People may have understood how, gee, it's only fanart, even if it's a race or photomanipulation. "If disney doesn't care, why should other people?" The methods emplyed to get me to understand may have been too harsh. And many of you may not even care anymore.

But the reason why this whole drama has gotten SO BIG, is quite simply, me. What I did. How I reacted. And what's worst is that _I_ SINCERELY appreciate the harshness of those people who WERE against what I did, who DID harshly blame me for my actions. Because without them, I'd still be this HUGE link in this very unpretty deceitful chain, BLISSFULLY, IDIOTICALLY. Whatever questions I may have as to how they behaved, it pales completely under the FACT: they were telling THE TRUTH. I WAS NOT.

So please, I expect that most of my watchers received an e-mail from them recently linking to a comment I had randomly made about my tracing. DO NOT get pissed off at it. It's _THE FRIKIN TRUTH_. And I had yet to admit it publicly. So no, they're not trying to "destroy my reputation". They've only tried to put everyone in front of MY LIES. The reputation destruction... I did that myself

And no matter how much I shout it out from the rooftops now, I WILL NOT be able to fully clean up the mess I've made. *shrug* but I might as well make a statement to clear stuff up *shrug* It sure as heck took me long enough :/ And I was even too big of a chicken to come up with this thought myself. Making this, VERY necessary journal entry is soooo far from a big grand gesture of honesty, don't glorify it. It's cowardly that it's come so late, it's assholish that I've lied for so long. It's NOT something to admire. it's something to forgive.